magicalflyingcow:

Home is where you can fart and no one will judge you.

egg-rolls:

one time i got a sample from the tea store at the mall and as i walked away the guy said “tea you later” and then his coworker smacked him

(via bryarly)

I only go to work about once a week now…
It doesn’t even feel like I HAVE a job. Sheesh.

essentric:

nothing is more attractive than guys who are nice to little kids and parents

(via pianiste)

Friend: Serious question. I am starting a sex blog and need a great title for it. Suggestions?
Guy: Dildos and Dildon'ts

Starting to dread teaching piano. It’s only an hour twice a week, but then I get stuck babysitting when I just want to relax.
The things I do for 40$ a week.

I have an exam in a week but all I want to do is sleep and then sleep some more after that.